Sermin & Erdem Ocak : Secrets of Happy Marriage

* Can you tell the story of meeting your spouse?

I am the daughter of Müftüzade Ataylar. Our house was also in Kozlucabaşı. Erdem Bey's family was a gentry family that had deputies and ministers. My wife was my relative (my father's aunt's grandson) so I knew him beforehand. While I was traveling in Aleppo, they called and asked my relative, Mr. Erdem Ocak.

I said no at first because I didn't feel ready for marriage yet. I was the youngest and fourth daughter in the house. In those years, the opinion of young people was not given much importance. As a result, my family elders decided to give their daughter to Erdem Bey's family. At that time, I was a 17-year-old attractive young girl who was very beautiful and looked at once again. My father was a bit Ottoman and his word was word. My father, who had his three daughters married, said to my father-in-law; “I have a daughter left, you will wait three years,” he said.

We got married with Mr. Erdem, who was engaged in trade, on 20 December 1962, at the end of the third year, in a very fancy ceremony where the families of the notables of Gaziantep gathered.

* What are the details you remember about your wedding dress and your marriage process?

At that time, there were no ready-made wedding dresses . Fabrics were always bought and sewn. We had it sewn by a talented lady named Beşire, a well-known late tailor in Gaziantep. I thought of the model. My wedding dress was beautiful. It had ridges in the form of a straight tail with a tulle ribbon on the back. Mine was a silk satin wedding dress. The front was completely embroidered with Turkish motifs, pearls and stones. It had a shoulder strap that fell over the shoulder and an open collar. The back neckline was very nice. On my bridal tiara , it was prepared with the same tiny flowers, pearls and precious stones. My short hair was wavy. It was fastened from the top with a three-layered plentiful veil . Also, very beautiful fabrics were brought for wedding dresses in the past. Again, Beşire Hanım had prepared them with stylish models in mind. My dowry was Antep style. My late father said that whatever I do, I will do to my daughter. There was no demand from the Ocak family. I had a beautiful dowry. I was angry with the big copper pans just because they needed it. But later on, I used them all at parties, charity events and making jam. Currently, my wedding dress is exhibited in the Mevlevi museum behind the Ocak Passage. I also gave a beautiful bedspread and my embroidery to the dowry chest exhibition of the bride from Gaziantep.

* Can you tell us about an unforgettable moment in your marriage?

When I was single, I didn't do much work because I was the youngest daughter in the family. Wool beds were made. To wash the wool of the beds in my dowry, my mother had taken the female workers in our humaniz (creek side). I brought them food with my father. The women asked, "Who is the girl to marry?" saying. My mother showed me. And they said, "Pity the man who will marry her". My hands are well-groomed, my nails are long. In the family, Kamil Ocak was the founder of the democratic party. Ali Ocak and Erdem Ocak were members of the parliament.

Erdem Bey became a young deputy and the secretary of the Assembly. We went to Ankara with our two children. There was no one I knew there. I was doing all the housework and cooking with two small children. One day my mother saw me while cleaning the window. “My daughter, if you go up to this window again, I will not give you my milk,” she said. The new youngsters are getting ready for anything. They cannot be happy. They don't appreciate each other. We celebrated my first wedding anniversary among all relatives in a very nice atmosphere among the family. Again, a wedding cake was made for me. My wife's birthday and our wedding day were on the same day. For 46 years, we have prepared and celebrated a special cake on June 20 every year. He used to buy me various jewelry and gifts.

Ms. Sermin's eyes fill with tears and she goes back to those days. It's been 2 years since we lost Mr. Erdem, but I still prepare our cake and commemorate him like in those days.

* What are your suggestions for a happy marriage to young people who will be newly married?

More sacrifice falls on the woman. Growing up in two separate families, it takes time for young people to get along. My family had four sons-in-law. My parents always justified the grooms.

I advise young people to be patient, stick to their homes, and not overdo it before and after marriage. If they are lucky, all will happen. When I got married, my mother used to say, "Daughter, we don't expect anything from you, respect the family you married, don't talk to us, that's the most important thing for me."